You guys know that I have the saying "Never give in, never give up". I stick by that, and always will. I've been fighting an internal battle that over the past 3 months has become a hell of a lot harder to fight, and hide. I haven't given in, and haven't given up but I had to finally come clean.
My wife over the past few months noticed at times I would stumble or lose my balance, and have to catch myself. She also noticed I was always in a crabby mood. Well a few weeks ago I started putting all my Jackson Kellys up for sale which you guys know I have always loved, and been playing those model guitars since I was 17. My wife was shocked because I rarely sell my music gear, and if I do it's to get different gear but I hadn't been talking about any new guitars.
She was talking to me about how I was selling them, and wanted to know why I was and why I was wanting to sell them quickly. At that point I broke down, and finally was honest with not only my wife, but with myself and how bad things had become. I finally confessed that it is too painful for me to keep playing them. I can't even stand playing one for 15 minutes without being in severe pain that ends up lasting the rest of the day, and then I explained everything. A few months ago things got bad, real bad. I finally told my wife how bad it had become. I will at times lose feeling, and use of my right leg with it going totally stiff and I am completely unable to move it. My arms from my elbows to my finger tips started tingling, and will go numb. My right shoulder feels like it if being ripped from my body. My upper back feels like it is being crushed over, and over again while my lower back feels like someone keeps clipping at the nerves in my spine with a pair of scissors. Breaking my back twice when I was in my 20's, and just a year apart had finally caught up with me.
I went to the doctor, and she suggested surgery which I was refusing to even consider. So she sent me to physical therapy. Both my doctor, and the people at the physical therapy office couldn't believe I was still walking with how my back is being, and the pain I am in. I spoke with the physical therapist about the pain I was in, and how things were going. She said she understood why I hid it for so long. Not wanting my sons to see me hurting, and not wanting my wife to have to worry about me. She also said I was stupid for not telling anyone. The physical therapist said there really isn't anything that physical therapy can do for me, and that I needed surgery. I explained how I didn't want to get back surgery because the people I had known who got it ended up worse with one being paralyzed from the waist down after surgery, and the others body trembled like he had Parkinson's. She then told me that if I don't get the surgery I am going to end up paralyzed because of how my backs is messing with the nerves now which I am at the onset of that, and if nothing is done about it the nerves will end up permanently damaged, and there will be nothing they can do for my back then. I go for the consult on my back this week, and then we go from there. From what I so far was explained they would fuse from my T3 through my T7 together, and suck stuff out between the discs in my L spine and repack the L spine with ground up bone.
I am writing this after having to go through another round of physical therapy, and a CT scan of my spine today. Honestly the pain gets so bad at times I just wish I would pass out from the pain so I didn't have to keep feeling it.
This doesn't mean I am done with music or playing electric guitar. I can still play just fine, but I am having to sadly change what electrics I use, and go with a much lighter guitar. It sucks, and I have always loved my Jackson Kellys, but if I wish to keep playing I must start playing different guitars.